The Reality of Modern Dating: Navigating Trauma, Hope, and Healing

Maybe I’m an idealistic romantic, or maybe I’m in denial about just how empty and vile dating and romance can feel today. Or is it really that bad?

More and more people are opting to stay single these days as a response to the chaotic reality of modern dating, especially in the age of dating apps. When someone boldly declares, “I want to meet someone organically, not on dating apps,” it feels like they’ve just announced plans to climb Everest. Honestly, the two might not be so different in metaphoric terms.

Dating Apps and Their Impact

When I think about compounding sexual trauma, I can’t help but think about online dating apps. Ironically, these platforms, designed to connect people, are currently being sued over their “addictive” algorithms that prioritize profits over love (and yes, this news broke on Valentine’s Day 2024—how fitting). The normalization of red flags and accepting the bare minimum has become the new standard in dating, and it’s disheartening, especially for women already navigating the weight of past sexual trauma.

The Emotional Toll of Modern Dating

Let’s not sugarcoat it: dating today can feel like a minefield. The overthinking, the self-criticism, the heartbreak, and the endless mixed signals can leave you feeling more like a private investigator than a person in love. Questions like, “Does he like me?”, “Is he talking to other women?”, or “What are we?” consume your thoughts.

For women who are victims of narcissism, over-sexualization, or past trauma, the modern dating landscape can be particularly harsh. Yet, amidst all this chaos, one truth stands out: prioritizing self-love and setting firm boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s survival. It’s about navigating modern dating with your heart and mind intact, even when the odds feel stacked against you.

Choosing Yourself Is Not "Giving Up"

It’s not giving up or the “easy way out” to put yourself first. Sometimes, stepping back from dating is the bravest and healthiest choice you can make. As the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Regular, small increments of trauma can pile up, lowering your vibration and keeping you trapped in repetitive patterns.

But here’s the thing: dating today may leave much to be desired, yet we still desire connection. Why wouldn’t we? The key is to raise your vibration: heal your trauma, gather the tools to have autonomy in your sex life, and above all, keep hope alive. Hope is essential—it’s what keeps us moving forward.

A Tool for Healing: Roman Chamomile Essential Oil

One of my favorite tools for mental recovery after a trying experience is Roman Chamomile essential oil (Chamaemelum nobile). This beautiful oil is a gift for the nervous system, working wonders on anxiety and lifting the spirit when it feels weighed down. Aromatherapists often praise its antidepressant properties and its ability to alleviate stress. When your spirit feels sad, when hope and faith seem distant, Roman Chamomile wraps you in a soothing embrace, reminding you to keep going.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, Roman Chamomile is connected to the liver, which is associated with anger. Let’s be real—dating today can spark plenty of frustration and anger. This oil gently targets those triggers, helping to process emotions and find balance.

A Path Forward

Dating in the modern world can be challenging, even disheartening, but it doesn’t have to define your journey. Raise your vibration, prioritize your healing, and equip yourself with tools like self-compassion, boundaries, and, yes, Roman Chamomile essential oil. Remember, healing isn’t linear, and taking a step back to care for yourself is a step forward in the grand scheme of your story.